You have to see him to believe me. He, like so many, is more a caricature of a person than he is a person. He’s someone’s bad and unbelievable punchline at the end of a long drawn out bad joke. He takes you by surprise because you stopped listening.

He’s got red Reebok’s with no socks on. Blue jeans, the kind that have ridiculously massive yellow threading to accentuate whatever it is they’re there trying to accentuate.

Grey shirt with blue stripes in a checker pattern. Or is blue shirt with grey stripes? It has a flimsy, dirty collar, hanging limply on his shoulders, slightest upturn at the top indicating he doesn’t care to iron it. Maybe he doesn’t own an iron.

It’s a button up number that’s buttoned down. You can see his chest hair popping out screaming look at me look at me run your fingers through my curls. I silently answer no.

I’ve figured out what he is. He’s a greaser from the 50’s wearing a Jheri curl . Stinky cologne, cheap dollar store cologne, the kind you smell on guys who look like this.

If I told you that Fonzie and Little Richard had a son, you wouldn’t believe me until you looked at him. You’d be just as surprised as I am now.

He has these little bracelets on. I think we’re supposed to think they’re silver and fancy and excellent. I’m not convinced.

He motions at an Asian girl. She’s at least younger than half his age. She’s half my age and I’m much younger than this guy. He gets her attention. Error #1.

She smiles politely. Error #2.

He points to her and brings his fingers to his lips, he kisses them in some Hollywood gesture Italians make when they like your spaghetti with meatballs.

“What?” She asks, genuinely confused.

He does it again. Then points to two of the other girls and does it. Does it one more time while pointing at her for emphasis, there’s a little more lip smack in hers. I think he means she’s the most delicious.

“I don’t understand.” She says,

He leans forward, waves for her to do the same. She does, Error #500 by now.

“You’re beautiful. I like your beauty.” He nods at her to get her to agree.

She does. “Thank you. Thank you.” She says. She blushes.

He makes that gesture with his fingers and lips again.